He was 18, a freshman at UC Berkeley, an actor, a fantastic writer. Once, he came by my basement window to take me out. When we were pulled over, James sweet-talked the officer, who wound up letting us go.I said I couldn’t go because I had an English paper to write. Looking back, I’m struck both by how incredibly smart and manipulative James was and how seriously that officer endangered me.The idea of a boy who never grows up is promoted and even romanticized in our culture as sexy or just “the way men are.” Sadly, women often pay the price for such a prize because there are consequences to keeping this type of “man” in check. This may partly explain why men, by and large, benefit more from marriage than do women.
He laid on my bed while I sat at the typewriter and dictated a perfect five-paragraph English paper to me in the space of half an hour so we could go. We spent the rest of the weekend not skiing, but managing James’ coke-related ulcer that had him doubled over between swigs of Maalox.
There was Pete Hancock, the master debater of his high school team in Kansas City turned pizza shop manager in San Luis Obispo.
I have some advice for women younger than me, advice I hope they listen to.
I’m 48 years old and only recently learned to run for the hills as fast as I can as soon as I hear the following spilling from my mouth or forming in my head: “.”Mark my words, this is the same as saying, “He’s a loser.”I know this now, all too well.
When people do not fully grow up, they farm out the hard work of adulthood to those closest to them.
It can be subtle, but if you are making excuses, stop and reflect on why you’re picking up after a grown man? Talk of children or commitment brings panic to his eyes. And then you immediately see panic and a desire to flee.We’ve all met women who seem a little different than their fellow females.They may look a little more masculine, and act more like men in their attitudes.They may have even been called “tomboys” growing up.The differences between these women and more traditionally feminine ones may be that more masculine women had more testosterone exposure in the womb, which shaped their developing brain.His dark blue eyes looked like they had shards of diamonds in them.