When a guy doesn’t call – say it with me- he’s just not that into you… Well I firmly believed this for a while but now I’m gonna have to say that’s not always the case.
Through the years I, like most of you, I’m sure, have found myself in those infamous and utterly maddening situations.
We exchanged numbers, kissed, said our goodbyes, and I left feeling quite pleased with myself, knowing that I had played my cards right. I wasn’t expecting a call on Monday or Tuesday because of the ‘rules’ and all that, but by Wednesday night I started to feel a little panicked. By 7 pm I had two choices: resign myself to the fact that he isn’t into me, or do something I had never, ever done before- call him. As the phone rang I practiced the message I would leave on his voicemail in my head but was interrupted when, to my astonishment, a very perplexed-sounding J answered the phone.
Deducing that I had nothing to lose, I decided to go with the latter because he was cute and funny and he gave me butterflies in my stomach which no one had done since my ex and I had been incapable of feeling anything for anyone after my ex and now I finally had feelings again and feelings don’t come around everyday so I wasn’t gonna let this go so easily. From there, a horrifically awkward conversation ensued.
What we forget is that even if a person hasn’t just exited a relationship, aside from knowing our own boundaries (which can rule out certain things that we’ve already made a decision on in advance of), we cannot get all of the answers upfront or have someone tell us what ‘the ending’ will be.
Each situation is different but what you can say with a high degree of certainty is that someone who’s just fallen out of their marriage, who’s still in reconciliation negotiations, who’s still very influenced by their spouse, and who has been separated for a long time ‘just because’, is going to bring pain into your life.
Same goes for someone who’s not over their divorce and has beliefs that affect their ability to be committed.
I personally know people who have gotten together while one party was separated, and in one case the wife refused to sign so they had to wait for it to lapse and got married as soon as it did a few years later, and in the other instances where it worked out, there was no faffing about with the divorce, Future Faking etc.
“I know it’s against your nature,” she said,”but when it comes to his kids, be a cat, not a dog. (Beth Reno)David’s daughters are sweet and smart, loving and funny and generous and affectionate … I tried to relax, think of the stretch of time ahead of us, remind myself there’s no rush.
You’re going to want to hug them and bond with them, but it’ll be better if you relax and hang back. I had already fallen in love with their father, so what would I do if they didn’t like me? “He’s a director,” I told my friend L., absently fiddling with the lighter in my hand. Because my own parents are divorced, I know what it’s like when Dad has a girlfriend.
I normally Internet stalk my online dating connections pretty thoroughly.